cipher

The Thousandth Man

2008-07-10T09:46:00.001-07:00

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine nundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.

'Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for 'ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em go
By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him.
The rest of the world don't matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man h's worth 'em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong's your wrong, and his right's your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men's sight --
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can't bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot -- and after!

2007-03-06T00:07:00.000-08:00

Thank You :)

Lonely Liars

2007-02-22T09:40:00.000-08:00

You tell me I should not be
All by myself, that's good advice
I'll hum a tune and break the ice
'Cos I'm lonely
Everyone looks good to me

But I'm afraid that I can see
That good intent and honesty
Do not redeem stupidity

When all is said and all is done
You either know or down you go
Into the pit of shallow wit
With all the other hypocrites

You're not bad, you're not good
You're a solid block of wood
You have eyes but cannot see
Why I despise your company

People come, people go
They put on their little shows
See them laugh, see them cry
See them live their little lies

I'm alone with you
And I'm lying too
I'm alone with you
And you're lying too
Oh, we are all liars
And that's all that's true

Lyrics of 'Lonely' by nomeansno

*****

A conversation. Mixed up emotions - Stirred in the middle of the night, sparkled by some stars in proximity. :)

From moon and back

2007-02-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

And when I return from the moon
I'll meet you on the shore
Waiting for the right 'zero'

I'll lend you my helping hand
To get across the sea
For then you'll be old
And I'll be strong enough for you to hold

But until then
You have to sit on this lonely island
With the music you love from the 'false' band

And when you are tired
Of singing 'no frog turns to a princess'
And when your band no more gives you your due due

Sit by the shore
Hear the music of the waves
You'll remember me

And when I return from my trip to the moon
I'll free you
From the fear of freedom
Then you'll see that the world does not end
where you begin to see it

But until then
You would have to wait
For 'Sifar' to get back

Because,baby, you just missed the last trip to 'the journey'
Repent
Beacuse you thought she was not your kind
'Echo '- You do not have any mind.

*********

No wonder , sifar is encircled again. Life keeps coming back - after every trip it takes to the moon and back.And this time sifar has made up her mind. All her bags are packed.Leaving things behind hurts, but not as much if they really want to be left behind - it all sounds like the story from childhood.

Looks like a cloud just decided to fly away , from the plains

A desert calls it aloud

The rain would rain

Not in those plains

But where the drops from its eyes

Do not roll down in vain

****

The clue

2007-02-15T07:48:00.000-08:00

.........
The skies have cleared today. Its not cloudy and it had stopped raining yesterday. Though the sun rays were loaded with fog for the early part of the morn, but the day ahead looked brighter.

It is not always that people turn back and see their footprints on the sand, but when they do, it all seems as if they were living a dream. I had been walking on this beach for so long now. I thought the sands would definitely bear my mark on them. But when I looked back, the waves had washed them all away. The sea seemed to be licking its shore after having gobbled something so delicious. It was the best feast ever. I could not have agreed more.

.............
After all the gorgon wasn't that bad. Not that I am affected by the snakes on her head in anyways, just that I am discovering that its not just about the hair. And not just for her. For most of the people around - whom I once thought of as 'Someone' are now slowly turning into just 'someone'. That's good, more than it might sound so.

Whenever I read my posts here, I find them very euphemistic. Perhaps they are. Perhaps because euphemism somewhere conceals optimism in it. However hidden or abstract , I have always found out the way for my heart to speak loud. I cant say that it always pays you back, but it atleast helps you stay light. Lately, however, a few things have been on my mind which with the passage of this year I might just forget -or- which might always bring back a smile on my face. I do not mind it , in both cases.

I have changed, much like my friend likes to put it, faces that I have started looking up to have changed, much like I like to put it, and the best part I am more of my self, much like 'Tommy' likes to put it in ' Never let me go'.

*****
If you have managed so far, then you deserve

..... the clue....

I actually started the post with what I am posting at the end. Watch the video, (before that guess it) if you have forgotten it like I had. I have learnt one thing from all the years of my life. Listen to this 'cause you'll realize later how wrong you were. Think no more, just express yourself, dammit !

Say Yes
Say No
Say Something
Say Nothing
Inspire
Conspire
Confess
Celebrate
Negotiate
Speak Up
Speak Out
Be Heard

.........

2007-02-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

.....

black coffee !!!

.....

The Comet

2007-01-28T04:01:00.000-08:00

It was dusk. The setting sun had auctioned its last rays for sale. The cool breeze was whispering the sliding prices into my ears. Tempted, I was engrossed in the trade, when, she approached me. I can say she was different because I forgot about everything around when I looked into her eyes. And I did not mind that.

She was not rich - no - far from that. But she had something which none of those ,I knew, had. And she had come to share with me her only priced possession. It was her belief. I should make this clear- it was completely her belief and not mine. I listened to her because I felt that if I don't- it would break hers. I followed whatever she said - pretending that her belief was the truth - the only truth. She was opening all the coverings of this beautiful gift in her hands - with every layer revealing more of her past than disclosing my future. I wanted to tell her that it is not true. I can prove that whatever you say is just that - empty words that are untouched by reality. Give them to me - I'll paint them in my colour of facts and truth - black. But then I looked into her eyes again. They seemed to glimmer with the faith of her belief. I could not snatch that away from her. Never.

And when she left the breeze was still bargaining with me. I told her,'You are trading with the wrong person - I am broke .' She said, ' What ? '. I smiled and looked in the direction where the comet had left a trail.

...........

'Metamorphosis'

2006-12-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

I've been so wrapped up in my warm cocoon
But something's happening, things are changing soon
I'm pushing the edge, I'm feeling it crack
And once I get out, there's no turning back

Watching the butterfly go towards the sun
I wonder what I will become

Metamorphosis
Whatever this is
Whatever I'm going through
I'll be something new

A metamorphosis

Things are different now when I walk by
You start to sweat and you don't know why
It gets me nervous but it makes me calm
To see life all around me moving on

Watching the butterfly go towards the sun
I wonder what I will become

Every day is a transformation
Every day is a new sensation

Alteration, modification
An incarnation, celebration

Every day is a new equation
Every day is a revelation

Information, Anticipation
Onto another destination

...

Lyrics of 'Metamorphosis' by Hilary Duff

the morning ray

2006-11-30T20:01:00.000-08:00

I got up early this morning - very early I must add. But lay on my bed , thinking about nothing. I am having my exams these days - majors and this could all prove to have dangerous consequences.

For a long time now, nothing is occupying my mind . I have felt numb before - but that was more of rebelliously numb , not what I am feeling now - a very lively numbness. I walk past people and I smile , I acknowledge them and yet I don't. I talk to my friends , we laugh together , we talk about things and events and plans and future. I am with them, and yet I am not. I see so many other people each day. I can read their minds . But they all flip like the pages of my book in a wind, I read them ,like glancing through them and yet I don't care. I have taken out some time for myself, it did not matter. It went past and I did not care for it too. I am left with two exams and I badly need to do very well in both, it still is not moving me. I am hating people and I am loving some - and all with this numbness - it is more dominant than either the love or the hatred . I am jealous of few others , I wish some would be of me - someday, perhaps. These days are not the best to think about anything .

Can someone/something stir me - wake me up from this lively slumber .
O god ! I wish I could feel this morning ray.

December - the first. As if I cared !

Good night .

Cross Product

2006-11-27T02:55:00.000-08:00

"
How close could I have ever been to divine ?

Which temple was my eternal shrine ?

I had laid peacefully in you - as if - in God's tomb ;

Mother , I was closest to divinity , in your womb.

"

Cross product of a Poetry major and a small - overloaded mind.

.........

The Star of Your Nightmare....

2006-11-24T11:49:00.000-08:00

Do not my eyes tell you the pain?
That I suffered ,now it seems, all in vain?
Can't you read what is on my mind?
O come on , I know you are not that blind !
People come along and people go..
In my life they rank very low..
Friends were different for me
But now you'll know that you should have better been
A friend or a foe was yours to decide
Choosing the latter was your choice
Don't repent now 'cause it has all been done
and there is no way what would happen - could be undone
so chill out , my friend!
Celebrate!
You are honoured to top the list
of the foes of ME - the great!
Take my word for it, dear friend !
You could have surely missed me out in your countless friends' care
But watch out 'cause from now on
I would star in each of your Nightmare !

2006-11-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask
How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done!
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not seen his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

--------------------

This was one of the lucky forwards I did read.Written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.
The email said, 'This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will.She'll never make it to prom, graduate from high school, or get married and have a family of her own.'

2006-09-27T21:27:00.000-07:00

For a long time I have written in clad and coated words. I was almost scared of letting my feelings stand naked in front of the world. But as the season is changing, something inside me is changing as well. Slowly, but surely. I don't much care about what people around me think. I had never. But for few years now, I was getting drowned in what my life seems to others. I was gauging my success and failures in their parameters. I have just realized that their units of measurements and mine do not match and I was so worried about the results that I was generating. Its not that I have suddenly grown repulsive to people and everyone, but just that at the end of it all I am leading my life and not theirs.

Last Saturday we had the English Play at our College fest which we won. The whole experience was amazing. The next day I saw the pro-play which was, I guess, Ghalibh in Delhi. I was sitting amidst the audience after a long time- listening to their opinions. What I felt in the middle of the play was a sad realization and pretty sad at that.

You see, I have always loved stage ever since I realized its power and that had come very early. But I loved acting because I enjoyed it . Much the same way as I enjoy writing and poetry. I dont do it for anyone else or for the praise or for the approval. I love writing so I write. I love acting so I act. I love getting into someone and leading someone else's life . It makes me feel powerful - a right which was not given to me when I was born , but which I easily slip into. When I had acted in the interhostel Hindi play , more than the prize that we got , what was more important to me was that I was living the character on stage. I was living her life, and I was reacting to the other characters as my character would have reacted. That was satisfaction.

I very much liked the script of the play that we were doing this time round - of an American Jewish Capitalist who was a concentration camp victim , who plots a plan to plant his case in Israel to make them realize their long forgotten past and mistakes. The character is very beautifully sculptured with small - small details.

What I felt while sitting in between the audience was that - these are people who have very low sensitivities. They would very much praise a very stupid - daily soap comedy - butt- swinging and tongue - wagging, rather than get into the physchology of a complex character or art-works which force us to think - which pull us to the extremes of analysis and reasoning. That would require them to give more of themselves which they can't. Afterall they are here to enjoy and not bend their already overloaded minds. I can see the shuttles reversing , right now. Ok , so I know it is their choice- they can love whatever they want- and as such this is the same case with the cinemas -perhaps even I do the same as they do while choosing my taste for art and movies.

What really makes me feel disappointed is the fact that stage is meant for audience. As much as I might hate to accept it , I can write for myself , I can sing and dance for myself , I might as well act in front of the mirror for myself - but the real power of acting is on stage - in front of the audience - in communicating the script - in living your cahracter so that people see him/ her come alive fom death. And whatever I play is to be gauged on the parameters of the audience liking it and not on mine. So they might love a C grade comedy more than an A grade sensible play which might go overhead. It is then when the grades reverse.

It is an actors curse to get an audience whose waves do not match with his. That is my problem with stage. Dependence on the views of others- I guess, its something like my life. I am a novice and I would have to learn to do things for my sake- for my pleasure.

Exactly the same way that I have taken up my case with life. Leaving every remorse , guilt far behind and starting alone afresh with a new season ahead and the hope of a new sunrise on the horizon.

Time for a U - Turn. A sharp U - Turn.

Hypocrite

2006-09-24T05:51:00.000-07:00

She said, "Maybe he is . But nobody's gonna screw their degree for it."

.........

" Goddamn you do not have half the courage to do it. It takes courage to follow your passion and it is not a coward's job to stand for one's beliefs. You can not and you would never. To hell with you."

........

I should have said this and/or more. But I smiled and said, 'yeah'.

Hypocrite.

The player

2006-09-04T22:18:00.000-07:00

She is playing in the farm
Kneel she must
To reap what has grown
Out of what was once sown

I see her fall
I see her stand tall
In the muddy farm

She is playing by the sea-shore
She would have to decide
What gifts of the sea she has to choose
So that she does not repent
When the waves subside

I see her fall
I see her stand tall
Surfing on the waves of times

She is playing in the mountains
The valleys- she has left behind
Mountains are all she finds
Peaks are all she has to climb

I see her fall
I see her stand tall
In her ascent to the top

She is playing in the desert
Dunes play their tricks well
There is no way out
No matter how loud she shouts

She was alone ,then
She turns and finds now
A caravan following
With hundreds of men

I see her fall
I see her stand tall
She couldn't cross the desert land
But she has become playmates with its sand

I sit back and watch
Sometimes it's such a pleasure
To see a player play
Her eyes meet mine
There is a sparkle in them which she can not hide

Sometimes ,
It is such a pleasure to watch
Yourself from the other side.

2006-08-26T04:40:00.000-07:00

like time life and me .

The echo

2006-08-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

There are times when an echo from the past haunts you at such a very apt time that you are left wondering ,whether someone up there- really is following His plan though it might all seem a mess to you.

Excerpts from that echo

"
Listen little man;
To what is true.
The world is dying;
And so will you.

You lead your life with so much of inbuilt horror.
And this you bear as the greatest ever error.
That is the reason I wish to help you,
To give you the courage to judge yourself
and look straight through yourself in the mirror.

Look, big man, the world is moving as it should
Why should I worry about it?
Why should?
There are people up there whom I have given power
They will look into what needs to be done
So let me hurry I need to have a shower.

I understand, little man that in the past
Your ancestors got you the freedom that for granted now you take
But in handing it to you they made a big mistake.
The burning torch that they, to you, so laboriously handed
In filthy waters of bureaucracy, bondages and poverty it finally landed.

Half your population lives its life in unlivable condition
But still you take pride in calling yourself the fastest developing nation
Every five years, for just one day you are ordained, the king
For the rest five years the glory of that one day you sing
Henceforth you become a slave
To your saviors whom thy powers you gave.

Listen little man to what is true
The world is dying
And so will you
These saviors are your little great men
When from them you get distressed
You look up to the heaven
And try and find some rest.
No god shall come to you at a time of distress
Only you can save yourself from such a mess.

"

the rolling stone

2006-08-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

Up the hills ,down the mountains , along the river side , with the flow of the water , every day every moment the rolling stone keeps rolling - rolling - churning.

She churns herself , her thoughts, her life - churning her laughters , her smiles , fears - unknown or recently discovered, thoughts -shared -unshared - personal - public ,ideas and beliefs - rational ,irrational, born from the depth of soul or from the outside world.

But what continues is the motion of the rolling stone - it shall move on - even when it gets eroded into small pebbles with the ruthlessness of the river rage ; it will live in the speed of the river or even when it meets the vastness of the ocean - it would become a part of infinity without which infinity would be incomplete.

2006-08-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

Basically,

it all depends .

WHAT???

2006-07-11T00:53:00.000-07:00

I have always known that I do not believe in predictions.Infact at the most crucial junctions of my life I have deceived them.Yet I will confess that I do peep into the 'what stars say ' column almost religiously each morning ,accepting cheerfully whatever good it says about the day and repeating my resolve of all this being stupid gibberish ,if there is anything not to my liking.
But I am unable to understand my Today's Fortune on orkut .

It says -
"You are going to have a very comfortable old age".

WHATTTT????
Whatever...... ( shrugs and moves on with .........well.......whatever.....)

Teen sal

2006-06-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

wo raat ko jab mere saamne simti- laeti hui hotee hai;

to uske maathe pe teen sal - chaarpaayee bichaaye - chaadar - taan neend nikaalte hai .

***************

Bandagee mai us Khuda kee
lamha lamha ek namaaz thee
Katl ker deta to khushee hotee
Khanjar kee nok pe zinda rakhe hai
Dafn ker khudaii ko
kee sans aaye

The Multiplex - Screen 2

2006-06-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

You are a part of a movie on a live show being screened in the Multiplex Screen 2 we have so lovingly named- the Universe.Assume and then remember that the audience are there to just chill out and have fun .They have no particular interest in what turns up/down in your life.Also remember that the live show is of three hours and your appearance is for one millionth or even less of a second .So you hardly are visible on screen( discarding any assumption of superhuman powers vested in the audience).To the director neither you matter nor the person next to you.

Whatever trick you did to get that A- on your grade sheet ,does not exist on the screen- nor does that game you played to get your friend's girlfriend in you arms - nor do they notice which neighbour of yours is how much richer or poorer than you - nor how much more knowledge could you show off in that quiz - or how badly did you speak in that debate - nor how bitchy you were for all those who had stood for you in your bad times - nor how many times you had shouted on the parents who had taught you how to speak - nor does any good act of yours count -neither how many times you went to the Church , Temple ,Gurudwara -nor the amount of money you gave to all those in need - nor the tear that rolled down your eyes when you saw the man with no legs trying to get some water from d out of reach tap -no action of yours would ever get noticed - nothing almost nothing matters and yet you are a star cast of the movie -'cause this movie is all you did your whole life.Weird !

If the director's not interested ,nor do the audience notice ,just pause and think - for whom ?
Wait and think just why ?

Come on ; Stop acting .

On Tea and Ooty

2006-06-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Whenever I write something here ,it is never planned .So generally it all ends up being a mess of thoughts ,facts and views rushing into my mind at the same time ,contradicting and sometimes supporting each other- things which do not seem to be related anywhere.Here is another such post.

I read a few blogs today and it always astonishes me to know that there is always a thing in this world which a person somewhere has taken for granted and which I have never heard of;and to use the words of Richard Bach (whom I am reading nowadays), ..'as if you have missed the Big Briefing in the Sky or something'...and I seem to be a regular absentee from the meeting...'cause everything some people write seems so alien to me.

Well, well lets skip to the other thing I did not miss- my trip to Mysore ,Ooty ,M'glore and surrounding areas.I have been to South 2-3 times before and it is always a pleasure - actually a total change from North.So to keep this post related to the topic ,read on...

Morning tea for most of us is a daily ritual that almost the whole country religiously follows. When I visited Ooty ,I got a chance to visit a tea factory /museum.(Though tea might smell good while it is being made at home in your kitchen ,it smells too irritating in the factory it is being made.) Well ! I got to know quite a few interesting facts about it .They may sound as well to you.Check them out !

Most of the prevelant names of tea have been derived from the Chinese words - Tchai ,Ch'a or T'e .
In Hindi ,Persian ,Japanese and Portugese it is derived from 'Cha' .

Before tea became a fashion and then an integral part of the country's daily routine ,Britain used to have just two meals , until Anna ,the Duchess of Bedford had a 'sinking feeling' which started the evening tea ceremony . Initially it was a very glittery show off mainly in the upper class people ,but it soon got popular among the general masses.

Tea is also connected with one of the chapters I remember from my ,I suppose, 8th standard History text book - that of the Boston Tea Party.In December 1773 ,the East India Company brought a Tea act in America to promote its own interests promoting trade of tea from China. Some people ,disguised as Red Indians threw the tea brought on ships at the ports.Every patriot then gave up tea and tea was replaced by coffee in America.:)

Just to add up Charles Bruce is called the 'Father of tea' in India.

Now this is my guess,probably Ooty might have been named one fine morning when a great personality would have got up and would have been presented with the tea they produce there ,to which he would have remarked 'O..O...Tea' - hence might have come into existence the name Ooty .:D.

IMP: The facts stated are true to the best of my memory ,although most of my friends and relatives accuse me of suffering from amnesia.:d

Conserve the un-reserved

2006-05-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

The Summer holidays have started and I have been away from the keyboard for a while.I have not being doing things that have been really exciting or interesting in these days but I guess after the happening last sem these non- happenings do make the time more happening.:)

Back home with actions as lousy as sleeping for 4-5 hours in the day or as active as cleaning my for -2 yr -nt -touched wardrobe- even I do not know what role do I expect from myself every morning- of course mom is the catalyst for every (action and hence )reaction.

Well one thing that changes whenever I am at home is that I watch a lot of news on various channels.And though it has seldom been a very happy and cheerful scene for my country ,this time I was particularly upset at the turn of events - also at my own and my friends inertness.I have not really been in touch with the people on campus about the anti-reservation protest but I guess all those who have not gone back home would have been involved in some way or the other.

In 1990's V.P Singh had used the Mandal key to secure his seat as a P.M (which eventually he could not) and now Arjun Singh is using it to probe his future and chances as a P.M . It is almost 10 days since the students at AIMS have been on a hunger strike.While it did not take Sonia Gandhi any long to meet the Christian head to discuss the relevance of a not-so-important film(Da-Vinci Code) being displayed to the Indian audience - the students had to wait for days to meet some head or representative from the government just to hear their (to the Govt - no-so- important) cries.It is not just the Govt. which is to be blamed - no alternative in the form of Opposition or any other party is available to the students. If it had been a political issue a huge hue and cry within a short time would have been raised - but not so now- which Indian party would take the risk of leaving their sc/st/obc votes which come in huge chunks and masses ,while the general category votes never do- they are unreliable and thinking votes which can never be trusted. Hence the politics goes on killing the youth and their aspirations which is what these politicians boast about -of India being youthful and full of potential .If this remains the scenario its youth will soon grey out when all they should have known was bubbling energy and enthusiasm.

A long time back we were discussing the issue somewhere and one of my friends said that it hardly mattered as the intake might increase but the quality of students who exit shall be controlled anyways.Then there was this editorial by Veer Sanghvi ,I suppose, in which he said that the reactions to Mandal -2 have not been intense - so does that mean that the Indian public has matured out?

Well!Agreed that you might enter as many people as you like ,but those who pass out and their quality is in the hands of the institute- but do you feel that out of every 100 students in the class an institute will be happy to hold back 40- 50% of students ?And who would be responsible for those students who definitely deserve a seat among the best students but are left behind remorsing?Now though the proposal of general category seats being kept the same is out - but it is not practically possible considering the already overloaded institute infrastructure (imagine the next batch's strength increasing to appxm 450 + 0.5*450 ...that would mean squezing triples in rooms of doubles and doubles in rooms of singles..(this is just as near I can think of ..other effects can be extra-polated))and staff.

And as for the editorial I feel perhaps it has become a fashion in the country among people who think they are elite to say things which are not in vogue and at the time do not match with the general opinion - that makes them feel out of the crowd- out of the majority.If these are highlighted I can clearly see the day when the majority would not demand for anti-reservation ,rather for its own reservation or conservation.

A salesman

2006-05-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

I have just completed 'Death of a Salesman' by Arthur Miler and I found it simply brilliant! It is quite interesting ,and perhaps uneasy at times, how I so easily relate to every character just like to most people I meet ...Here are some of the lines I found worth letting my pen down for -

....Biff : ...I have always made a point of not wasting my life ,and everytime I come back here I know that all I have done is to waste my life.....

.....He ,like his brother ,is lost, but in a different way,for he has never allowed himself to turn his face towards defeat and is thus more confused and hard -skinned ,although seemingly more content....character description of Happy...

...He's liked ,but he's not well -liked.

....Linda : are they any worse than his sons?.....And what goes through a man's mind, driving seven hundred miles home without having earned a cent?....And you tell me he has no character ?The man who never worked a day but for your benefit?When does he get the medal for that?Is this his reward -.......

....Willy: ...on the way home tonight I'd like to buy some seeds.

..... I realized that selling was the greatest career a man could want....when he died -and by the way he died the death of a salesman.....

Linda: Why must everybody conquer the world?Enough to be happy right here,right now.....

...Charley: You named him Howard ,but you can't sell that.The only thing you got in this world is what you can sell.And the funny thing is that you are a salesman and you don't know that.

....Willy :Funny, y'know? After all the high-ways, and the trains, and the appointments, and the years ,you end up bworth dead than alive.

Biff,his weeping breaking from him: Dad...
Willy,infected by it: OH my Boy....
Biff: You-you gave her Mama's stockings!.....

Biff.....I am not a leader of men,Willy,and neither are you...I'm one dollar an hour...

Charley : No man only needs a little salary.
..............You dont understand .Willy was a salesman.And for a salesman ,there is no rock bottom to the life.He don't put a bolt to a nut,he don't tell you the law or give you medicine.He's a man out there in the blue,riding on a smile and a shoeshine.....Nobody dast blame this man.A salesman got to dream, boy.It comes with the territory.

And I thought I was nowhere related to sales.......

buzzzzzzzzzzz........

2006-04-10T04:05:00.000-07:00

Considering all the efforts we put into taking this room ,I suppose it turns out to be a waste.Right now (3:00 a.m) my room is the most uncomfortably warm room ,with lots of blood-sucking mosquitoes which have effectively made me get up and write this.The all-out is rather ineffective somehow and I am too lazy to put the net. This post might be considered a result of frustrations due to physical and mental discomfort at this moment.

I have always realized there is a problem .I have come across people in my life who can so easily talk to strangers or people whom they are meeting/talking to -for the first time.It seems as if they have known the person for sooooo long.I really envy these people because I can't talk to people that easily until I have a topic or atleast some reason to talk to them.It could have been sorted out if it was just that but the real issue is that there are people who bring out the worst in me-and seeing their attitude I just don't mind it,and there are very very few who actually bring out the best in me.Now this took a lot of courage to write 'cause I feel everybody should control the way one is and should not be governed by what effect others have on him/her.But this is the fact and that is how it stands.This is precisely one reason why at so many times in my stay of two years here I have felt out of place .What I do here is what best I can mould into in the present situation which makes me really really irritated.I have known people I would have loved to talk to for hours ,to exchange views ,to know people better (that is what I enjoy the most) but for the above two reasons this does not happen and I suppose in the near future shall not.
I have tried to sort out the first problem by being a little extrovert - by speaking things I would in other normal circumstances would not....which has not greatly improved the situation...rather landed me in deeper troubled waters (Is that a phrase!).

My stay in IIT has not been of victories or laurels or achievements but just and just of experiences -loads and loads of them.Knowing and dealing with all kinds of people ranging from those who float in the seventh sky to those who have their feet firmly grounded ,those who befriend you with just a smile -to those who shall never smile,from those who are endlessly witty to those are dumb..from seeing people who are like me to those who are like you....Seriously speaking the only attitude which works here is- 'I can't care less attitude.'But I feel bad for all those who have missed an opportunity to know someone who could have added something to their lives.Tough luck !

I was thinking sometime back ,if only I could read what my Mom or Dad or Grandpa were like when they were my age.What did they think ,then? What crushes they had? What all went into their minds?That would have made for really-really interesting reading.This is one thing I have decided,I'll let my kids and my grandkids read all this shit that I write or all whatever I have written.:).

Sometimes the unseen /unknown makes you happier than the sickening/rigid present.

I got to sleep now...even the mosquitoes have.....
By the way what noise does a mosquito make...the nearest I could think was like that of a fly ....which gives the title for the post.

the best

2006-04-02T04:32:00.000-07:00

Ok I am timing this...exactly 10 minutes....start..

I have a lot to catch up.Right now sitting here in cse I don't feel like writing something grave ,but first of all I have a great news to share- this morning I got a mail from Shalabh (Secy edlc ) that our Club(English Debate and literary club )won the best club's award for the year - that- definitely made my day.It feels great to see the efforts we put in as a team to be recognized-a wonderful experience in all...Then I met my brother who had come for a visit..talked a lot and laughed and enjoyed....and relived some past moments...I have a presentation on Girish Karnad 'Hayavadana'...am really and desperately searching for something that makes it presentable...A nice play ....funny and philosophical on surface but has a lot in store (for me to search on..).Will write about it sometimes later.

Time up!

On a nearby comp the screensaver says ....

"Today is the most unusual day,
because we have never lived it before;
We will never live it again;
It is the only day we have.
And the best way is to be your best for today."

Have you ever?

2006-03-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt in your life as if everything that was going on, that everything that might happen, that everything you have ever wanted to happen does not matter anymore -that suddenly or gradually, but for the moment surely, life has come to a halt -though you might be still flowing with the wind at the Mach number? Have you ever felt that you have stopped thinking of what and why and just lived for the simple reason of inhaling and exhaling? Have you ever felt that faces would not have mattered -it could have well been replaced by some masks -by some other names- or by some other games that people might have wanted to play? Have you ever wanted to feel nothing? That the best way you could spend your time was under the glittering stars of the night or on your mother's lap. That you would not say a word that has anger ,guilt ,remorse ,jealousy,sarcasm ,fear.....That you don’t measure all the words you say or the steps you take- that every person you meet is not scrutinized as though he were an accused pleading for justice in your court -that you had come running back from school and had left all the worries and troubles with that bag which you just threw on that bed-that you cycled for as long as you could- feeling the breeze on your face and in your hair-that you could have dreamt and imagined that your life would be a fairy tale waiting to unfold every night you went to bed-that you could leave all the prejudices that you have ever had- that the next morning when you wake up everything would turn out to be just a dream-that somehow to everyone around -you could have become invisible -somehow you could just cease to exist...........

Someone somewhere

2006-03-27T05:32:00.000-08:00

koi raat

koi fariyaad

koi baat

koi naashaad

koi kashish

koi khwaish

koi aandhi

koi chirag

koi kissa

koi baat

koi toofaan

koi kashti

koi runk

koi hasti

koi sahare

koi ishare

koi muskurahat

koi aahat

kisi ka gussa

kisi ki chaahat

kisi ka hasna

kisi ki ulfat

kahi pe meherbaniya

kahi uljhano se pareshaaniya

kahi jeet

kahi haar

kahi dilo mai daraar

kahi pyaar

kahi takraar

kisi parinde ki udaan

kahi aakaash pe nishaan

kisi baadal mai ek ghar

koi sapno ka shehar

kisi ka damaan

kisi ka kafan

kisi ke aasoo

kisi kee aarzoo

Afraid

2006-03-27T05:28:00.000-08:00

We stand close
Arms in arms
Dancing to a merry tune
Our bodies drenched in the rain are wet
The souls had already met
A kiss brings us closer
Time halts
Everything else seems slower
You look into my eyes
And I drown in yours
Nights and days ahead I see
Safe and strong in your arms is me
Our unseen children in your eyes
Laughing and loving they would be
I shudder at a thought
I get a jolt
I shut my eyes
A tear rolls down
I am afraid I will fall in love with you I say
You laugh and walk away
I thought I heard you say
“A kiss is just a kiss
A wish is just a wish
Silent words that are
Should never be spoken
Unsaid promises
Are not love’s token”
You walk away
Away
Away
Out of my dream…..
………..Just a dream
But I am wide awake
And I still shudder
When I realize it was you
I am afraid I am falling in love with you

The cup of power - the red wine

2006-03-24T04:02:00.000-08:00

I wrote the following poem last night around 3 a.m. The elections are around and poltu is in the air.The poem though is based on power was not inspired by the campus politics primarily because I am not involved ,enough, even to hate it.Somehow an idea of the wine being equal to power led me to write this .

I don't like my poems anymore - I have a reason for it.I used to think I write well -until I read a poem once put on the humanities notice board (and after months of search I found it on one of the blogs-which is now almost dead) - I think that is one of the best poems I have ever read .It creates a picture in front of my eyes and I feel the emotions that it arouses everytime I read it.Naturally enough I should have quoted that poem or put the link , but, I won't do that.It would make this look miniature (even more).So for now ,cheers to the cup of power -the red wine.

The glass of wine was half full
Looking through the glass
The wine targeted me
Called me
Enchanted
Captivated
Hypnotized and intoxicated I reached for it
It was dark
It tasted bitter
The people warned me
They cried 'don't '
I said 'Life seems less bitter and dark ;so act to your advice I won't'.
Bewitched I befriended the red wine
I thought the cup now was mine
Ignorant -I drank to the fullest
Bid farewell ,drowning in the red wine,to those who were once my dearest
It seemed like a new world
Like the one which I fancied in all my words
But then I heard something crash
The wine spilled off with a splash
The glass had broken
From my dreams I had woken
Only to find myself dead
Dead - murdered by the red wine
The red wine - the cup of power
Another victory for it in yet another war
Defeated and dead now I stand
Powerless in a no man's land
The cup of power -The red wine
Was never mine.................

Saaki

2006-03-21T13:59:00.000-08:00

naakamiyabiyo ke saaye tale
hazaro raho per hum chale
saath na koi
baat na koi
na koi raah
naa raaste ka sabab

gehre andhere mein bujhte diye ki chingari kee oar
madhoshi mein kadam ladkhadaye maikhaane ki oar

hosh aaya to saaki ki jagah khuda ko paya
pyaale mein zindagi ki bunde giraata
wo pilaye jaa raha tha
mein katra katra jiye jaa raha tha

2006-03-20T07:33:00.000-08:00

Zero is a wonderful number.It is not a number -it represents life as such.Life begins with it and ends with it.Life starts from it and extends until it.Zero has infinity encircled within and also nothingness in itself.Life is a big zero - a circle which we -with our small small steps are trying to cover in our lifetime.Everything comes full circle - full round -a whole zero.

Nothingness is another enchanting concept.Seemingly nothingness comprises of no-thing, but the very fact that nothingness exists ,means that it exists- not as a thing or as things as we know- but its existence indicates its presence- hence nothingness is another example of our incompetence in imagination.Nothingness , to me encompasses the whole thingness in it.It is the big void ,the big zero, and yet it is complete .It is safe to call it complete because we don't know and don't understand its content - its no-thing-ness .Hence to me nothing is more complete than nothingness.

Sifar in Urdu and Cipher in English both symbolize the eternal zero. Cipher also means a cryptographic system or a message written and transmitted in such a system.

I am Sifar.